This is for you.
Your name holds a heaviness that lingers just long enough for me to question whether I miss you or the idea of you. Nostalgia, for sure. What I can’t seem to decipher is whether I am able to taste the poison the coldness your actions left or if that is the bitter aftertaste of all the words you never said, but I always craved to come out of your mouth.
The truth was, I didn’t need to be saved; I just wanted to know you didn’t see me as inconsequential. I wanted you to see me, need me, the way I, you. It was hard to accept that you didn’t. But, I did.
I accepted that I would be nothing more than another conquest, another heart you were able to tattoo your name on and yet, I couldn’t shake the weight you left on my shoulders: a constant reminder of what I saw as my shortcomings.
I’m trying to forget your name but more than that, I’m trying to forget the feeling of weakness I feel when I try to muster up any words that aren’t synonyms of perfect to describe you: isn’t that insane?
Beyond the shores of melancholy, there was a time I held your hand. You see, at this time, my heart was writing a story of a ship that found its home in the darkness of a storm. The pages are left blank, the story will remain untold and we will remain unwritten through history.
No X will mark us on a page, for our treasure was never found or left long enough to be desired. But in a book somewhere neither of us will ever admit to reading night after night: our love was written in poetry and prose, paragraphs upon paragraphs of a love that will go untold.
There are days when the melancholy settles on you like a sudden change in the weather. The kind of sadness that is intangible. It’s the presence of an ache where you can’t pinpoint exactly where it hurts, you just know it does.
The whisper of your name brings this feeling about more than anything else. Before I wrote this, I thought I was over you. I guess the bitter aftertaste will never quite leave my mouth and the toxins the poison of your words left will never let me taste the sweetness of true love again. I don’t know if I can ever forgive you.
Dear Alyna,
This is truly a piece that sparkles, and is definitely one of my favourites. In such a short piece, you managed to capture perfectly the conflict that plagues the character, and her/her personal traits and shortcomings that make this conflict even worse. Your language is beautiful, as your sentence variation creates so many amazing and winding sentences that are packed rich with emotion and beauty. Yet, you never let this get in the way of making sure your reader understood that overall, this is a pretty gloomy piece. I could feel “the shores of melancholy” as I dug into this piece, and I truly think that I am going to emulate from this at some point in the near future.
For improvement, I would like this story to not go unwritten. I want you to keep writing this story and show the development, or lack of development, of our character.
Well done Alyna! In a time of stress and exams, this was a dazzling piece that I will definitely come back to read and learn from.
Sincerely,
Zaid
Dear Alyna,
I love how your heart is embedded in this post as it shows the heartbreak and sadness the character is going through. I would love to see you continue it into a longer piece and show the development and live the heartbreak. This is a beautiful piece even if it is a little sad, I can not wait to see what you will make in the future.
-Melody